you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
