first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
my shit smells like andre
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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