Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
