I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
