i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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