You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
