Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize