people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize