and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
