i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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