garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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