I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
