Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
