I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
