We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
