im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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