Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
