AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
