we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
