i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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