walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
