Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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