i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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