Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
