Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
