Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
