the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
