So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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