i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
