Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize