When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
