New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It's blow job season.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
