he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
