I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
