So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
