ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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