the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
