Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize