She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize