Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
