I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
