I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
