3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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