His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
