Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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