i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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