I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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