it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
