I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize