You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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