I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
