I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize