All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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