he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Randomize
