do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
