She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
