I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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