Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
