Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize