For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
