Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
