i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I am mentally ready for anal.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
