this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My ass is underappreciated
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