my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
