I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
