I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
