i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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