Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
