Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
