If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
What a dumb baby whore.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
