You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
