Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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