why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
