Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
