Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
