Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
