Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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