I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He better not be in your backpack
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
