am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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