the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
