4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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