i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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