im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
