Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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