how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
