Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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