After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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