Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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