Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
