My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
