my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
