if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
