Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
