$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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