I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
