Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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