evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
