...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
