I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
