The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Randomize
