just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
