I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
